Known for practicality, presence of goto, 1-indexed arrays but mostly being useful for beginners. Dominate the industry but always seem to fall from grace because of crazy syntax and letting beginners abuse them in live code.
a e s t h e t i c s
Bondage and Discipline family / Algol Family
Known for imposing discipline, having unreadable standards and instilling fear of the compiler. All these imposing languages have toxic, sick, stubborn and obsessive compulsive members who dream of being knighted by Dijkstra in heaven with a fountain pen after they have won the holy war against everyone else. Typically end up with verbose and slow to run codebases, that still have massive bugs. Typically fail at implementing operating systems. They do win some points on safety while still needing millions of tests to run, just in case their theory doesn’t work IRL. They do win the bullshit business argument of reliability and nine 9’s after the mess fortran programmers leave behind but they fail to understand the tao and that nothing lasts forever. Delphi was good though.
Pro Tip: Easiest way to cause their meltdown is to say that array indexing must begin with 1, like everyday mathematics. Remind them that no one can implement the standards correctly, that 99% of the sane programmers don’t fucking care about their boring arguments by fear / credentials on forums and that they need anxiety medication more than types.
Turtles all the way down family
These languages sacrifice virgins at the altar of purity. They even scare the Algol programmers in their relentless pursuit of purity and (foolish) consistency. They use the word homo a lot, while trying to be iconic. Actually deliver nine 9’s reliability without types.
Do what you want family
These languages are just happy to be of service. Solve real problems but also talk less. Most apolitical languages around.
but everyone just uses HTML these days.
Please use me languages
These languages promise to be your new quirky best friend.
I was your favourite once languages
you haven’t forgotten them, have you ?